Sunday, July 17th, 2005 1:38PM PST

The Quest of Rocky Balboa:

Iíve been watching Rocky II and I think I know why I also think I know why Iíve had a recent interest in movies about fighting, war, and winning, is because deep down, it is me that I see in those main characterís roles. Rocky knew how to fight, but he just wasnít putting his best into his punches.

He would really do horrible at his training because he would let his emotions get the best of him. He loved Adrian so much, that he let her get in front of his dreams and she was a decisive distraction. It was only when Adrian truly understood his deep and personal desire to simply ďwinĒ his dream that she could love him and condone his actions.

His love for Adrian had not only pushed him to pursue his dream again, but also, it had amplified his desire to win, and he wasnít just fighting for himself. He was fighting for everything that he loved, Adrian, his family, and his love for boxing.

So the thing that I was just inspired by, to write this was where Sylvester Stalloneís character said something that really made me think. In the ring, in the final fight with Creed, he had to go over to his corner in between a particular round, before he could realize the fervor of the moment. When he did, he told his trainer, ďIím not going down anymore.Ē

He took a swig of his water, threw the towel back down, got his fighting face back on, and was ready to fight. Thatís what made him win. What was covering up his sadness, through-out the movie, after his first fight and before his last was his ďsense of humor,Ē always wanting to be kind, caring on the outside, and wanting to be a pleasurable person.

But, in his truth, with this facade, he was just running from his dream, the thing that he had personally wanted, all of his career. In love with his compassion, he and Adrian kept his dream at a stand-still. The reason I see such detail in all of this is because this is my life. When I ď...go down...Ē then it isnít the fists of Apollo that come knocking on my door; itís my bed and my eyelids, and my sleep.

Iíve been training ď...like a bum...Ē and I have been using my ď...left hand...Ē to fight instead of my right, but what I need to realize is what Rocky realized, when sitting in that corner, in that last fight, when he said, ďIím not going down anymore.Ē

That is this:

...If I donít win now, then Iíll lose everything that means everything to me. - JMD (Jeremy M. Dinovo, 2005)

2:14PM I guess that, in conclusion, Buddha didnít teach him too much about achieving success in an individualistic, capitalized society. Sorry about this, Marx, but Iíve got to be able to get on top in order to help those at the bottom. Nietzsche, if I donít serve myself then I wonít be alive to be served later. Iíve had enough ď...boxing with my left hand...Ē.

Besides, Rocky was lucky anyways. He had Adrian and a trainer as an accelerant. All Iíve got out here, in my corner is me, but Iíve got my water, Iíve got my realization of living or dying completely, and Iíve got my dream. Now, letís see if I can stop being a bum and start fighting for it, instead of ď...laying down in front of him [Apollo Creed]...Ē to let my self-doubt and personal anguish ď...kick...[my]...face into pieces.Ē

2:37P.M. the water is still good. You canít be a lover if youíre not a fighter. Things this precious must be pursued to be kept alive. The dream will live. 2:40PM The computer, ď...my left arm...Ē, is disabled now. Itís time to fight, and in this ring, no one but me can contend. There can be no help from the outside, because the problem is Ďwithiní. ďYouíre goiní down.Ē...ĒNo way.Ē -Rocky II. 4:07PM Before you think of giving up, either tell yourself or have someone tell you brutally, that will fail and that there is no way to survive. Then say, ďNo way.Ē (4:09PM) Think about what your dream means, and think about losing everything, all because you gave it all up, right when you had it all. All you had to do was fight, and fight as hard as you know you could. Donít lay down when you know you can win. Make yourself proud beyond belief, achieve something...for yourself.

The thing that you battle, the most evil thing, the most torturous creature, the one that can look you straight into the eyes without any fear and without any resistance, that thing lives inside of you. You have to battle it, overcome it, and just like Rocky did, fight it, and you will win the title. I am not talking about Satan, or any archetypal evil entity, but I am talking about your own doubt. You have to step into the ring with that thing, and you have to do it all by yourself, otherwise, you will not have won anything. Doubt will have conquered your ability to trust in yourself. Close everything off, and open your mindís eye to your most doubtful fears, and to the thing that says for you to lie down and give up. Talk straight to it, and know it, and you will overthrow it. Fight.

Win.

Your life is on the line, and your doubt knows it.

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