Maybe life is rewarding, because communication, when corrected and updated, can be refreshing. I just fixed lots of links on my website that I could not return to after a brutal span of time of standing on my own two feet with my own roof over my head and fiercly rendering with an active paint brush and easel. That's it for now, but at least it is updated a bit better than before, which is progress.
Most writings on the internet deal with documenting time in a very impersonal way. People don't think about it when they make a resume, or write an online journal, or even tell others about themselves in self-disposition that what they are doing is alienating themselves, when they talk about their most recent experiences first. To me, this is a selfish standard of the world. What I will do on this page is express myself, from where I started off, all the way back in August of 1996, and have you, the reader, read this with me in mind, and not with my history up-to-date in mind. I want you to grow as I have grown, through a long and treacherous process of finding myself. I suppose if I had to go through it to write this, then possibly, you might really know, in a better detail, how I felt, as I had to start from the beginning, without a clue and without any help to make me relate to my present day. I hope you enjoy going through the adventure reading it, as much as I did writing about it. Except, I hope you actually learn something other than the frustrations that I did at those times, and I hope you advance, in your own way that you feel comfortable doing so in.
What was the point of the last paragraph? In lame man's terms?
Basically, beyond the lawyer contextual explanation, and in lame-man's terms, I want you to love this and I hope you get something out of it.
August 12th 1996....Click Here to read this portion of journal.
August 20th, 1999....
August 25th, 2002....
|I just got out of||
|, school of audio and music production. What I've learned there|
|has greatly helped me for what I want to do in life. I'm a certified audio engineer/sound designer and life has never been better since I've learned how to run many kinds of audio applications.|
Recording and expression has always been a great passion of my life.
July 15th, 2005 8:39PM PST...
You see, in corporate amnesia, the symptoms are as follows: the only two things that you can remember are One (1), what you do for a living and Two (2), how much money you make. In truth, I am not on this earth to make money. If that were the truth, then God would have given me a bionic ATM card that was capable of digitally interfacing with my ass. With this realization that I no longer cared truly for money as my goal, I then also realized that I was too creative of a person to become another studio producer's 'lackee'. So after working the many life-grinding jobs that I had worked, and after seeing the effect I have had on all of the people's lives from all of the places that I have been, both in central Ohio (my hometown is Delaware, Ohio), and out here, I have also seen the effect that they have had on mine.
What I want to do now is something that is uncharted. My main interest is in art and in finding out how to make the world a better place with it. People say that itís the thought that counts. Well, I believe that people these days have overlooked the simplicity of a thought. There is deeper meaning in a thought, if you give it deeper meaning. I believe that beyond my text, my syntax, my image, and everything about me that is logical, there is a thought that has such a power that it overrides all logic, and that people can feel it, just as a person on the other end of the phone line can hear you smiling, so a person can hear a person thinking. There is permeation of that concept in all of my art. I would like to meet up with other people who believe the same thing. Or at least, I would like to hear the opinions of others who donít believe in that. The world of media is in a great need for a predecessor, because I believe that it is falling apart. We are in a dark realm of media, where there is nothing that matters except for money, making it, and selling things as do the sophists. In a sense, my business is sophistry, but also, the end of my business that supports the soul, itself, is philosophy and beyond philosophy. The same way the Buddhists take the transcendental language into the great spiritual realm, I want to bring it down here, and have it express so powerfully through my art, that not even the greatest critic could touch it without withering away into nothingness.
I hope Iíve made my point.
What about the rest of me? Iím part Filipino, and part Sicilian. Whatís it like to be those ethnicities? Filipinos eat a lot of adobo, which I really like. For those of you who havenít had the pleaseure of having adobo yet, what that isÖis chicken, rice, garlic, and vinegar cooked together. It tastes really great. Filipinos are very resourceful, from my experience. We never waste one little grain of rice on out plates, and we finish everything we start. This is just what I know of the Filipino traditions and ethics that I have been grown to know.
Being Sicilian has been a wonderful experience for my entire life. I have obviously obtained my passion for art and complicated thought, from my Sicilian roots. The Greeks and the Italians loved to think about all of those senseless things, all the way from Socrates, Plato, Aristotle, to Aquinas, to Marcus Arileus, to you name it. The Sicilians are of course closely related to the Spaniards and the Portuguese, in that they are close to each other with the advent of sea sailing. So, naturally, I have the ranges of an explorer rooted in my roots. Probably studying all of that history about the Europeans while growing up sort of inspired me to move out here.
With that art background, I am currently enrolled in Brooks Institute of Photography, to study motion picture. Why motion picture? People say I talked too much in school, then once I stopped talking, they said that I talked too little. Then after so long of realizing that I could never make them happy, I had to find out what kind of medium meant the most to me, and which one conveyed my message best, without me literally talking other peopleís ears off. I found that with Drawing, and Music, one could express himself or herself through a way which saves oneself a lot of oxygen and a lot of people a lot of headaches. However, I still didnít lose my ability to talk a lot. The talking substituted for the massive intake of the visual arts. There arenít that many places for a student in Ohio to really pursue the film industry, however, I always loved the beach in my local town, which wasnít a beach, of course, but it was the closest thing an Ohioan could come to swimming at a large waterhole with sand around it. When I was younger, about age 7 or 8, I had a friend who had a black skateboard, and I always used to like to ask him if I could ride on it. He of course continued to refuse to let me ride on it. Regardless of the details, I just remember vividly I was fond of all things that were Californian. Since I went to REC to learn audio engineering, I thought I would come out here and give a shot at working in the studios. That obviously didnít work, however, I remembered deeply that I loved the beach, and skateboards and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (of which I used to draw a lot of pictures of them). I was destined for something a little more mellow than the tumultuous arena that Los Angeles offered, and so I came across it. I found out that with all of the ďtalking too muchĒ and with my love for audio, and for the visual arts, that I was just a film maker in disguise. I was telling stories all my life and I never realized it; I was relating to my audiences with music and expression deep from within, and I never thought to apply it to my other loves; and I was writing in chat rooms, learning about people, and overall, expressing myself to other individuals because I had an image in my mind of what the artist foresees as the Future.
Iím here now, just sort of gambling and seeing where my roads will lead me. My folks raised me well, my older brother kicked the tar out of me enough with his wrestling moves and with his good lectures and older and more wiser brotherly support, my sister loved me and took good care of me so much, regardless of how much of a jerk I was, my whole family, immediate and indirect, have always been behind me all the way throughout all of my changes, rooting me on as good family members do.
Thatís all I can really think to say for the moment, other than the fact that getting here was almost as fun as driving here. I strongly suggest that if someone wants to see an amazing sight that they travel across the entire United States of America all by themselves, and they will be taken on the most wild and crazy adventure that they have ever been on in their entire lives. Nothing compares to the invention of a fantasy, and then the exploration of it. To see things that you have only seen in your dreams, in your face, in real life, those are the things of miracles and those miracles are the things of destiny, no matter how much someone has ever doubted it in the past. People become believers, and not only that, there is also a certain contentment with it that appears had never been there before. That contentment comes in response to the augmenting power of the rush that is captured behind and during the whole experience. If you want to live, you have to go. Move.
I am currently working on putting together the BEST band in the world, Life's Twisted Spine. Itís the best band in the world, of course, because itís the band that IĎll be in, and the band that I will be proud to be in. Donít know how I will fit it in with my filming schedule, but it will happen, because I have seen it in many a dream.
|The Band ---->|
In my struggles through life, I've found a lot of wisdom just from LISTENING.
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